This video brings inside the creepy, non-crawly (see what I did there?) world of designer fake babies. Is this really the fashion in England or is it like a Bush thing where you’re like, “No no no, we’re not all like this!”

Women carry these babies around to the stores and whathaveyou, smiling and taking compliments from strangers who peer into their rubber faces and coo. Creepy. Creepier: They have names, “birth dates” and adoption information. Creepiest: Also called “reborn” babies.

From the website: “The baby dolls hands and feet are also coloured, their tiny nails have been manicured and varnished to give a nice gloss finish. Our dolls come with both open and closed eyes. The nostrels (sic) are also opened so the baby can breath (sic) and also gives a lifelike finish.”

For some reason they’ve disabled the embedding on the video, perhaps sensing its blogworthiness. Let us out Firefox them together. I promise you it’s worth the 3 minutes.

Sad but true personality defect overshare: I have never owned a Cabbage Patch Kid. I am quite against the Motherhood Industrial Complex of giving little girls mommy-training toys. I find it sick. That said, my BFF Wendy was really into her Cabbage Patch Kid. So much so, that she took it to church with us, and when I would come over to play Barbies having sex she started to shush me, “The baby’s sleeping!”

Oh HELLS no. So one day, after Wendy gingerly ladled the doll into my arms to watch over as she used the loo, I decided to end the madness. I held my hand over it’s nostrils and mouth, one eye on the clock. When Wendy returned and saw this she screamed, grabbed Randy, threw him against her chest and sighed, “Thank god he’s still breathing!” To which I responded, “No he’s not! And even if he is, it’s been three minutes so that means he’s BRAIN-DAMAGED.”

Sidenote to future babydaddy: Sorry.